Open Letter to Stormy Daniels From a Woman Who Applauds Your Media Prowess

Dear Stormy Daniels,

You’re not afraid to be exposed. I like that about you. “Pornstar Sues President,” who could get tired of reading that? In Trump’s White House, nothing shocks us anymore. But you managed to make it beyond a 24 hour news cycle. We want more of you. As someone who advises people on harnessing the media, I can see you’re someone who is media savvy. You’re a person who knows how to hold onto our attention. But the stakes are high because right now the hope of the free world may rest on your tassels.

So whatever you do, keep the foot on the media gas. You seem to be taking pages right out of the Trump playbook. Don’t stop now. Like the Donald himself said, “You have to think anyway, so why not think big?”

So here’s what you can do to stay center-stage, steal the spotlight, and make sure that your story has legs almost as long your own:

1. Let Them Underestimate You

By letting the White House talk you down, you may just get the crown. We underestimated Trump and now he’s president. You’re an award-winning director of “feminist porn” who has made a career out of being in charge. Don’t show all your cards.

Let them think you’re just a porn star (but we know you’re not just any porn star). Just like Hope Hicks was always just “a model,” you’re often treated like you’re nothing more than those double D’s.

2. Stay in the Headlines

We are a fickle crowd with the attention span of toddlers. Pretend this is the Hunger Games and if the live viewing audience doesn’t see blood every 24 hours they get bored. While the public gets distracted by the latest Trump casualty, you’ve got your eyes on the prize. Just like Trump, distract us with new information and “leak” wild stories so we’re always watching you, thinking about you, and wondering: what’s next? Your partner in crime that listened in on the Donald’s phone calls was a nice addition. Keep ’em coming.

3. I Like Your Lawyer But I Love You

We need less of him and more of you. Why is your lawyer, Michael Avenatti getting all of your press? Sure, he’s gone against Trump and won before, and he has an impressive resume. But the story isn’t about him; it’s about you. And no offense to Mr. Avenatti, but he’s got a face for radio, not TV. Do what the Donald knows best, make sure it’s your face on television. Make as many appearances as you can.

4. There is Strength in Numbers

Remember that line from Gladiator: “I was the best because the crowd loved me. Win the crowd and you’ll win your freedom.” Bring a merry band of misfits into the crusade, and make him and the White House sweat. Bubba the Love Sponge Clem was a nice addition to your band. Posse grabs back!

5. Love, Betrayal, Sex, and Money

You’ve got three of the four things that make great story… So do whatever it takes to get more money. Your lawyer says that plenty of people are willing to pay up the one million dollars to set you free from your hush agreement. Rolling out your crowdfunding effort was a nice way to keep the story rolling and also help put money in your pocket instead of your attorney. Take the money and run to the nearest microphone. Play the field nice and wide. When a story is this good, every news outlet will want a piece of the action.